tl;dr update: I'm 22 now, grades still good school starts again tomorrow, still a lazy fuck, playing through p3p and pokemon black and sucked back into my persona 4 obsession. Its like a bad rash.

have some naoto and rise pronz as compensation for my absence you pervs ♥ i sketched it today quickly to get it out of my system

( pronz here plz )

and suddenly i feel no shame. IM A BIG KID NOW.

merry christmas ya'll, eat alot of good food and be well, merry xD

that last bit gets me lol

Pretty much after my last (meme) post back in September my life was minding her own business when school sparta kicked the door down and had its way with her and has been keeping her hostage. Luckily now i have a mini break because a kind professor postponed the project to where instead of having 2 days to finish i have a week. THANK YOU. Now i don't have to pull 2 all nighters even though i was ahead and still am but i have to keep on top of it ;D;

SOMEHOW. For midterms i pulled A's on everyone (i thought i did crap on my art history and computer illustration 'surprise' midterm that i had a sugar drop in) to pull A's on all my classes. How, i have NO idea and mom is starting to worry about me since sometimes i don't exactly eat well which is bad for a diabetic HURR. BUT AT LEAST IM MANAGING TO GET MY WORK DONE??? orz;;

BACK ONTO NOT-AT-ALL SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

( DAY 6 cause im just gonna try to keep on )

I need to see how much leftover fabric to have to see if there is anything i can whip together next month during break B: hurhur lol

(ignoring the meme for this post, this is a message to a friend of a long time who's post i just read. I'll just say schoolwork ate me which is true.) I'm not cutting this i don't care.

I agree with what was said before, sometimes things happen we can't explain, and we feel so ashamed of what happened that we want to curl up in a ball in the darkness and just never come out because of fear, anxiety, and shame. I know. I've been there. Although we may not talk everyday, You are still a friend who became an awesome friend of mine the year I graduated highschool when you came to visit a friend. We still keep in touch on occasions, but now I feel worse about not talking to you much more often than I have. I just want you to know, that you are NOT alone in the way you've feel, and similar situation you've just gone through. To feel raped, yet not technically raped at the same time. To feel trapped and suffocated and yet you did nothing to physically fight back. Just battle internally and feel ashamed.

I was just a kid at the time, week of my 15th birthday. You are a few years older than me, but that night you were in my shoes, a scared and confused little girl. I know.

I just want you to know, that no matter how hard it is to try to see that light in the darkness, it does get better. It takes time, not months but years. Many years. Reading what you said, made me remember. My hands and feet got cold, sweaty, shaky. Just like that week. I still have anxiety about it, and I don't talk about in detail about what happened. That was 6 and a half years ago. My hands are still shaking as I type this. I know the shame about going to the doctor, and getting tested for STDs and the look they give you, because you are a young, hispanic teenage and you can't make eye contact with the doctor because you saw the look they gave you. "Not another one." Stereotypes.

I know how hard it is. Having someone you feel is a cool friend or guy, turn on you like that. In my case, I ignored my other friend's warnings. I saw the good. I beleived he was innocent, that he was falsely framed. That he just failed a few years, not was in jail for statutory rape. Who knows if he was or wasn't, all I know is what he did to me. The things he implanted into my mind. I wasn't physically held down, or physically forced. It was psychological. He intimidated me, being twice my size, and he told me what to do. If it wasn't for that teacher that happened to be walking by, I'd be in a deeper mess. Much like you had things gone any further. I know what it is to be in that limbo. In hindsight, could I have prevented what happened? Absolutely. But I was naive, timid, quiet, a sheep in every literal sense. That week changed me.

I know what it is to lose your sleep, because you're crying scared in your bed at 4 am. To be waiting for the bus in a few hours. To hide it in, and not tell anyone. He told me not to. I was scared, so I didn't. The way he'd look at me when I walked down that hallway that day still haunts me. Like if he caught me alone, he would have done much worse. It wasn't until the school officials heard about it, so I sand like a canary sobbing and as they comforted me. Said it wasn't my fault, and that I wasn't a bad person. Things like this happen. Then they turn around write police reports saying that i "satisfied my sexual urges under the school bleachers". satisfied? Excuse me? Aren't you supposed to be a counselor, not a two faced biggot using a victim as a scapegoat? But that, is another story. Back to point.

Like you, that week changed me. I would not be who I am today. I know, I was scared for the longest of getting close to people like that as well. I know exactly what that is and if a person like me can start moving forward, I'm sure a strong girl like you can do it too. Just takes time. You will find someone who loves you, just takes time. For now, worry about moving forward right now. Just know you aren't the only one having gone through this.

You still have my number, feel free to call it or send a text. I'll always have an ear. You're not alone.

Public Service Announcement: I do not know crap about hetalia (my brain rewires it that title to Homoerotis Historius), but after seeing this icon on 13thleprechaun's journal I was butthurt by the cuteness of it that i had to save it and hog it myself. I could stare at it for hours. Y SO CUTE?

Anyways I had to get up early today and accompany mom fixing her tires and head back on very little sleep so i ended up napping and only after over half an hour of fighting with the internet, got it to work. Dunno for how long. I've been like a ping pong ball today XD

( DAY FIVUH )

I'll make another post later for 6 because i dunno how stable this unpassworded wifi is >_>

Imma be a sap those who know me well know im one anyway

but lately a song that makes me a goo pile and i listen to alot is You and Me by Lifehouse x:
_{Its totally a cuddle song fffff}

and she also reminded me that i didn't post yesterday.

( DAY THREE AND FOUR BECAUSE I TOTALLY, DID NOT MISS A DAY. LIES AND DECEPTION. )

My brain has been so all over the place i don't even XD

maybe this can get me into the habit of posting moreee

( DAY TWOOO~ AHM STILL ON TIME, UNTIL MIDNIGHT WHICH IS IN 3 HOURS LOL )

my mom totally came up and was like "WHAT'S THIS? LIVEJOURNAL? YOU PUT YOUR LIFE ON IT? WHAT YOU PUT ON IT? WHAT ARE YOU WRITING NOW? WHY CAN'T I READ IT? WHAT'S A MEME???" "JUST GTFO MOM OMGGGGGGGGGGG"

Oh u mom. Oh u.

I've been derping all over the place. LETS SEE IF I CAN DO DISSS.

( DAY ONE. i give it like 3 days before i derp and forget something LOL OOOPS~ )

Yeah I kinda wasn't able to update since i kinda 'finished' like 5 o clock the day of the con thanks to enlisting maplepie_tree lightning to be my slave and 'finish' beading for me while i got ready putting on make up and all that shenanigans. LOLOL.

and by finish i mean "do 90% of the beading and say fuck it imma frolic at the con" DERP DERP DERP

it's alright i plan to touch it up for next year, cause i ended up falling in love with how most of it came out.

Actual post on the week of getting the cosplay done will be done later, because its LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG adventure, and thursday night i didn't get ANY SLEEP. awake for 24 hours without caffeine or energy drinks because of my diabetes. I'm a trooper XD (totally crashed the drive up there though)
( PICTURE EXPLOSION, WILL PROBABLY MAKE ANOTHER POST AS MORE SHOW UP SRSLY EVERYDAY IM TAGGED ON FACEBOOK LOLOL )

I JUST WISH I HAD A FAAAAAANG COSPLAYER PAL HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG

some guys floating around took REALLY nice like professional pictures and one guy took these shots of me in these bushes and it looks like vanille in pulse and im just itching for him to post them, they'll probably get their own post LOLOLOL

TO DO LIST FOR NEXT CON IN MARCH: Get double sided tape, re do the beading all nicely, make her weapon. YES.

Funny stupid vid of me with my touchphone on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtRF8RZxcUg

TREE I WANT YOUR PICS, YOU STILL OWE ME THE ONES FROM MOMOCON BACK IN MARCH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF